Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My vagina is officially offended.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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