i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
