I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I could fuck to npr.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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