I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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