We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
