I bet he comes in French.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
