mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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