ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
