Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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