there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
