She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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