Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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