Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
