You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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