i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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