Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
