Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
