I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's shark week go big or go home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
