Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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