At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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