I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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