You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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