so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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