omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
