Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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