So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
