ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
