the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
