Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
