You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
