Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
