so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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