my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
