Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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