GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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