dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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