Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry IamMatt hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(407): View more from Florida

If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

Fav 24 3364 1046
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

Fav 6 2380 919
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

Fav 20 6137 811
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

Fav 11 3672 1432
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...

Fav 4 835 3795
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

Fav 11 1260 3690
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(708): View more from Illinois

This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

Fav 30 9847 1348
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.

Fav 0 592 500
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(650): View more from California

Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter

Fav 0 4 28
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT