So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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