My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
