Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
