Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
