He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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