And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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