you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
