Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
