Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
