ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
