after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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