I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
