it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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