I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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